Funny one liners jokes

I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

Evening news is where they begin with ‘Good evening’, and then proceed to tell you why it isn’t.

I asked my wife, “Where do you want to go for our anniversary?” She said, “Somewhere I
have never been!” I told her, “How about the kitchen?”

I didn’t fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian

I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with “Guess” on it…so I said “Implants?”

The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!